Whenever one starts a relationship with someone a seed is planted. Where, and to what extent that seed is nurtured determines the quality of growth in the relationship.
I didn't threaten to leave my husband until well over a year after graduation from chiropractic school! I was working at his side diligently to build our practice and we were an awesome team. The first time I threaten to leave him was from the fact I had just taken a job to help remodel the local Wal Mart full time and had to balance making meals for our family and cleaning up after our little family and and and and. Before, I was helping with housework indiscriminately because I had the time! Little did I know my efforts to balance everything was offending my mother in law whom's basement we resided. She confronted me one day saying that I had left a dish or a fork or something unwashed and she didn't understand why. My husband was washing walls, a task she assigned him, while overhearing her confronting me and said nothing. I don't think I have ever left a dish and a spoon in my life so mulling it over it dawned on me my own husband had done the dishes last so I told my mother in law so. My husband followed me down stairs and I wanted to know why he didn't stick up for me on this matter and then he accused me of something so out in left field that I looked him straight in the eye and told him I would leave him if he didn't take my side. He basically had said I was trying to pick a fight with his mother so that we could all fight forcing us to move out. I was very grateful to his mother and her husband and would never dream of fighting with them especially over something so trivial. After all, I had already put in over a year there so my record of being drama free spoke for itself! I am pretty sure that after that first time it was getting more of a habit to just threaten to leave when the pressures of small business ownership, chiropractic disenchantment, and living in destitution after such a long road frustrated our lives! I am sure our relationship has only survived because when going got tough we would cling to each other and remain insanely intimate!
Now back to the plant analogy! My husband and I have branched out like a double headed daisy plant. We have two lovely creations and continue to change as the years roll on! We celebrate our 10 year anniversary in a few months and are more aware now than ever before that there are more attractive and compatible flowers in this garden of life for us. For now, we remain committed to blossoming together but just beyond the horizon is some young punk rock guitar playing girl who could discover my husband and worship him making it easy to pluck himself from me and plant a seed with her. Likewise, it takes very little effort on my part to find a more out going and warm husband to attract. It all boils down to choice. I choose to remain where I am and love my ever evolving husband and he chooses to keep me. I have since sworn off ever threatening to leave him and broken the habit I directly blame chiropractic for developing in the first place! ha ha!
Divorce is a painful thing to experience. My husband and I have only been casted as children experiencing such an event and remain open to being a part of a divorce only because I can't control my husband and he can't control me. Sometimes you don't get to choose and then Frank Sinatra's "Send in the Clowns" blares on the radio. Today I write to bring light to divorce. Celebrate your divorce if it has brought you to greener pastures! If you are married keep it on the table! It isn't the worst thing that can happen to you!